Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
