At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
