I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
