everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pooping to opera.
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