she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
