"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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