I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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