Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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