the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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