YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
