dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
