No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
