i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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