so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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