I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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