your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
