he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
