his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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