He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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