And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
