Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
