I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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