I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
