My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
did i walk over a car last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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