Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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