Don't make out with my wife yet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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