She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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