yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
