hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
