Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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