Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize