Got a toothbrush?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.