Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night