That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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