Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
