the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
