I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?