you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
