My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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