Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
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He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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