After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
