I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
