Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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