her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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