ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
