The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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