I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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