I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
