Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
