wrigley field is MILF paradise
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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