I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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