I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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