I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
