it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
