when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
