Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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