you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
