I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
