took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
