I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
