what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
