Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
