i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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