The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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