im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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