Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want nice things and good sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
