I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
