she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
