You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
