Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
