whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
