...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
