6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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