honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize