After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
