he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
