i think my tv is drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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