Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize